I try to keep my blog focused on saving time and money, but after Friday's events, this post is a little different. If you don't feel like reading about my personal feelings, please feel free to pass on this.
I have been going back and forth about the way to handle my emotions after hearing about the tragedy in Newtown on Friday. I'm sure mine don't even come close to those personally involved, but it still hits home.
Once the realization of what happened set in, my first thought was of my boys and how lucky I am to have them with me. I then began to think about how we left on Friday morning... Was it in a rush? Did I remember to tell Jackson good-bye before he left with Ryan? Did I tell Ryan good-bye? Did I give Brady a kiss before leaving him at daycare? I know this morning, I made sure to do all of those things.
The teacher side of me also came out. I thought of all of my classes and how those children were "my" children. I cared as much about them as I do my own boys. Every one of them touch your heart in some way. At my old school, my room was the first one from the entrance. Would I have had the quick-thinking skills to have done what one of the first grade teachers did to save her class? Would I have even had time to comprehend what was happening? I can't even begin to imagine what was going through the minds of the faculty at Sandy Hook. And then to think of the children (and adults) and how they have to deal with this for the rest of their lives. I am not even going to try to think about how I would feel if that happened to any of "my" children.
My husband and I went back and forth about whether to tell our boys about what happened. We kept the news off for the weekend, because we didn't want them to see the images or hear the talk. Ryan's view was that if we gave attention to the news, we were giving attention to the person who did this. I can understand that view. My thoughts are that we are honoring those who were lost by learning about them, even if it's just their names, and being able to connect just a little bit with the people who are at the center. We eventually decided to tell the boys, because I didn't want them to hear it from someone else. For Brady, it was completely over his head. For Jackson, Ryan was able to put it into kid-speak, and he had a few questions, like would he be safe at school. In the end, I was glad we had the conversation with him. It showed me how he is growing up and really starting to understand the world around him.
I guess the main reason I am writing this is to make sure that I have learned something from this tragedy. I want to make sure that I stop and give my boys a hug before they leave me. Let those that I care about know it. We really never know if it's the last chance we have to do it. These little things are how I can honor those that left us too early.
I will continue my thoughts and prayers for those 26 families that no longer have the chance to do the things that I am still lucky enough to be able to do.